Even in a relationship, having ‘personal space’ between each other is very important and applies to all types of relationships.
Jabir and Sunira’s long love relationship turned into a family. Although the couple looks normal and happy from the outside, Jabir sometimes feels suffocated in the relationship. Jabir feels that he can’t spend time like he used to. He can give himself time, but he always has to come up with an excuse.
On the other hand, Rafi (pseudonym), aged 14, is at a time of puberty where his parents’ over-monitoring is suffocating to him. Sometimes he wants to spend time on his own, read books of his choice, and spend some time with friends. But just as his parents do not like him reading books outside of academic studies, they also do not like him hanging out with friends outside of their allotted time.
Senjuti and Rumi are in the same department at the university and live in the same room in the hall. Senjuti often asks Rumi personal questions and gives her own opinions. Although they are good friends, Rumi does not like Senjuti’s behavior at all.
The three events above must resonate with someone in our life or around us. We carry some sort of relationship throughout our lives. It can be marital, familial, or friendship-based. Being in a relationship means ‘being by each other’s side,’ carrying each other forward through any problem. Even in a relationship, having ‘personal space’ between each other is very important and applies to all types of relationships.
Relationships need to have their own boundaries. It is not written anywhere that no one can spend their time independently because they are in a relationship. Both individuals need time to themselves in their own world. Although Jabir and Sunira are a couple, it should be remembered that they are two different people. On the other hand, Rafi’s parents should remember that puberty starts from the age of 13. This is the perfect time for personality formation. Always listen to the child without imposing your own opinion; their opinion should be given importance, which will help in developing their individual personality. Meanwhile, Rumi and Senjuti are very good friends, but due to this unwanted exercise of rights, their friendship may also crack.
What is personal space?
Personal space in a relationship means taking some time out of the day-to-day relationship to give yourself time or spend some time on your own. In this way, the person finds himself close to himself, and the relationship remains healthy. Relationship space essentially balances relationships, whether it’s two months or 20 years. Dr. Helal Uddin Ahmed, a Psychiatric Specialist at the National Institute of Mental Health, said, “Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that you have to give up everything. It turns a beautiful relationship into a toxic one. Both people need space in a relationship.”
Personal space applies not only to yourself but also to others. No one should touch another person’s phone, diary, or personal items without permission. Moreover, asking too much about others’ personal matters destroys ‘personal space.’
Why is space needed?
Dr. Helal Uddin Ahmed said that the two should talk and get to know each other well. However, being in a relationship should not mean encroaching on each other’s personal space.
According to relationship coach Lara Mint, serious problems arise when relationships begin to encroach on each other’s lives. Relationships may even break down. So there is no growth without being careful. Relationships require ‘me time.’
But many couples understand this. They don’t want to let others intrude into their personal space. In that case, if there is this understanding between the two, the relationship can move forward at a great pace.
Giving relationship space is basically a part of respecting the relationship. That applies equally to any relationship. If one tries to dominate the relationship, it sometimes turns sour. Many of us want to possess our partner out of excessive love, swallow their thoughts, and become ‘obsessed’ with the one we love, like, or insist upon. We may try to dominate other people’s lives out of excessive love, but at the end of the day, it doesn’t bring anything good. Rather, the outcome may be different if the other person perceives that his or her personal freedom is being eroded. So boundaries need to be drawn to strengthen the bonds of the relationship.
How much space is needed?
Just as space is needed, its dimensions need to be understood. Arbitrariness for the sake of individual freedom is not the ‘space’ of relationships. Dr. Helal Ahmed said, “A partner can spend some time alone one day a week; it will revive the relationship. Moreover, you can give yourself a certain part of the day.”
According to relationship coach Lara Mint, “Use personal space by treating yourself to a cup of coffee or going out with friends once in a while. But you must discuss with your partner that you need space.”
Avoiding responsibility for the sake of relationship space can destroy relationships.
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