How To Deal with A BREAKUP That You Didn’t Want?

Getting detached from the person we love is the toughest, but deep inside, you know that you have to do it. I know it’s a big challenge because the person we want to leave is a part of our body and heart. But when that part is affected by cancer, you really need to cut it off. If you don’t cure that part right now, it will keep spreading and affect your identity, your job, your goals, and your connections with your family and friends. The healing process is different for every individual, but the only truth is, you have to move on. From my experience of overcoming emotional trauma, I can suggest some tips to help you move on.

Here are 10 tips to move on:

1. Deciding to Move On: If you still have hopes for him/her to come back, then no one can help you. And you are just wasting your time and energy. There is a saying that, “If you really wish to do something with dedication, you achieve almost half of it.” So, deciding to forget that person is the first step for you to move on. If you think of doing it slowly but not immediately, you can never move on in the next hundreds of years.
2. Acknowledge Your Feelings: Allow yourself to explore what you are feeling whether it is sadness, anger, panic, grief, etc. Don’t just suppress your feelings. When you do that, you are just prolonging the process. Be true to yourself and to the people around you. Don’t lie to anyone who asks you, “How are you? How are you feeling?”. Don’t lie, don’t just pretend to be okay. If you are feeling not okay, then say it. If you are feeling angry or panicked, just say it. Acknowledge and express what you feel.
3. Stop Sugarcoating: Your brain will only remember the good memories because our brain is lazy by nature. It doesn’t want to face the bad scenarios and memories. The brain wants to stay in the comfort zone and it avoids situations that are hard and realistic. And this thing will make you feel so depressed. It will only remind you of the honeymoon period of your relationship and forget the sufferings. But when you think deeply, you know that this is not the whole picture. So, make a list of their negatives and how bad they made you feel. Force your brain to stop thinking of those comforting and sugarcoated memories.
4. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. This time isn’t like other normal times of your life. Treat yourself as you would treat your friends or anyone if they were passing through the same situation. Take yourself out for a tour, go for a movie, buy yourself some gifts, reward yourself with small successes. Be proud of what you do. Just don’t cross the line of becoming a narcissist. Become a bit more caring towards yourself. Remember, a person who can’t be kind to himself, can’t be kind to the people around him. So, practice it.
5. Change Your Definition of LOVE: Trauma bonds, toxic attachments, codependency, being benched is not LOVE. Love is a very pure feeling which helps people in each other’s growth and success. Didn’t your past relationship affect your growth? Didn’t your past relationship affect your networking with other people like friends and family? Didn’t the relationship give you stress? If YES, then why are you still calling it LOVE? Love doesn’t stop your growth. It unleashes your inner charm, it motivates you to grow in a positive way. So, wait my friend, the right one will come to you at the right time with the right definition of LOVE. Trust in time. Have faith in GOD’s plan.

6. Stop Stalking Them: This is the best advice for moving on after every stage of break-up. As long as you are not stopping to stalk them, seeing their pictures, reading old messages, remembering the memories you will never be able to move on. They didn’t love you, they didn’t respect your feelings then who the hell are you doing all these for? It’s you who have to respect yourself and only then you can expect others to respect your feelings. Block them and delete all their pictures, numbers, texts, throw away all the things that remind you of that person. It will eventually create a distance between their existence and your attention from them.

7. Get Smaller Successes: Start doing smaller things. Divide your tasks or goals into smaller parts. And when you finish those smaller parts of your task it will automatically give you an adrenaline rush. And this adrenaline rush is important for your body to recover from the wound inside you. Engage in activities that give you joy, fulfillment, and the feeling of success. Achieving small successes heals the wound like nothing else can do. It’s a booster for your mind.

8. Focus on the Present: The only obstacle in the way of moving on is, we repeatedly look back to the past. This happened at that moment, that incident at that place, etc. memories we keep looking back again and again. And other than the past, we think of the dreams that we’ve dreamt with that undeserving person. We think of the future and can’t see that dreams to be happening anymore and again get hurt. In this case, remember a Japanese quote, “If you have no control over the past and can’t do anything about the future, then what’s the worry?” Even if you have regrets about the past or worries about the future, focus on what you can do right now to make your life better.

9. Give Yourself Enough LOVE and TIME to Recover: Love yourself the way you want others to love you. It’s not becoming narcissistic but it’s more about becoming careful with yourself, your surroundings, your families, friends, and your feelings and dreams. Understand the fact that there is something called desire and something which is RIGHT. Your growth starts to happen when you put a little bit of control over your emotions and give space for your brain to think about what is right for you and what is only desire.

10. Create a Positive Environment: Surround yourself with positive people. Be around people who uplift you. Do things that give you a positive mental boost. Do exercise, consume positive content, try making videos for your own, learn any skills in which you already have an interest in (This will give you fast success), spend time in nature, go for a tour, read, or write. Actually, anything in general which makes you feel better in a positive way.

Listen, in the process of healing or moving on, you will lose many things. You will lose some of your feelings, some of your ideologies, maybe some friends (if you were from the same circle). But believe me, in the end, you will reward yourself in a way more right place with the right surroundings. This is not only my words. Everyone who had moved on before admits it. My university teacher said, “Someone leaves you for someone better. That’s why it is called Break “UP”. Because once you moved on, it only pushes you to the upper position of your life.”