Moving On From A Narcissistic Relationship

I know it is really, really hard to get out of a toxic relationship. It took me more than 7 months to reach the detachment stage. And if you are someone who is moving on from a narcissistic relationship, I must suggest you not make these 6 mistakes, which I have learned through my healing stage.

1. Do NOT Go Back When Things Get Tough: When things feel tough, don’t go back to them. I used to do this at the very beginning. She is my classmate. So, it was harder for me to resist talking to her. Everything felt so tough for me. Even though she had cheated on me, I used to blame myself for her cheating and went back to her, begging for another restart of that relationship. But every time, I got hurt deeper and worse. At some point, I realized that I really needed to stop getting hurt ANYMORE and decided not to talk to her. This was the first step in moving on from that narcissistic relationship. It was tough because I had made a trauma bond with her. So, if you are someone who has decided to move on from a relationship, the first step is to stop going back to that person.
2. Do NOT Stay in Contact: No matter how much you feel like talking to them, don’t. As I mentioned, she is my classmate, and we used to be in the same friend zone. It was impossible for me to avoid staying in contact. The first step for me was to stay away from my own circle of friends so that I could maintain a distance from her. But I hadn’t deleted any of her pictures, messages, or other memories. One day, one of my friends told me to remove all those things, but I didn’t listen to him, hoping that every conversation, every memory would have a restart from where it ended. But it really should not. It took me a couple of months to acknowledge my friends’ advice and decide to delete all the chats, pictures, her contact, and every sort of thing that reminded me of her. I completely changed my circle, deleted all her conversations, pictures, and other things. My suggestion to you is to stop following them, seeing their stories, looking back at the old pictures, texts, and talking about them with anyone anymore.
3. Do NOT Suffer Alone: Don’t suffer alone. I couldn’t tell anyone at the beginning about my heartbreak because I thought everything would be alright eventually, and I could tolerate the pain. But it really wasn’t. The longer I kept that inside myself, the more consistent the pain was. But when I started to share my heartbreak with my friends, they listened to me and gave me suggestions. Trust my words, share your sufferings with your friends and family. Yes, there will be some people who will not understand your pain and will blame you for your suffering. Don’t get influenced by them. They might be gaslighting you. Share it with someone who will understand your pain. If one doesn’t understand, go talk to another person. There are so many people out there who will feel your pain as their own and will give you good advice. Seek support from your friends and family. Tell them to stop you when you feel like going back to that narcissistic person.

4. Do NOT Run From Your Emotions: Don’t run from your emotions. Give yourself time to grieve. When you run from your emotions, you become more frightened. You really need to feel and understand those pains and sufferings. When you do, you will understand what others go through when they have a heartbreak. You will become kinder to yourself and the people around you. But if you run from your emotions instead of facing them, you will become weaker and will miss the opportunity to become a little bit more mature in life. Face them, acknowledge them, name your feelings, and find out ways to fight them. Kill those evil energies by crying, shouting, or cursing. Facing your problems will make you stronger. Remember, once Shahrukh Khan said, “The best way to escape your problems is to face them.”

5. Do NOT be Hard on Yourself: Do not think that you’ve made the mistake. All narcissists are so charming and manipulative. They will talk and behave in a way that you’ll feel like it was your loss. And from that feeling, you’ll start to think that maybe it was your fault, and that’s why you’ve lost them. But you have no idea that they are GASLIGHTING you. Their behavior will make you question your actions and perception of seeing the world. Be kind to yourself. Stop watching or listening to what they think and what they are doing. Give yourself the time and kindness you deserve. Do not sugarcoat them and stop blaming yourself.

6. Be Optimistic: Do not tell yourself that you will never get over this person. Many people have done this and have started a wonderful journey. So can you. At my stage of suffering, I never believed that it is possible to forget the person you love more than yourself. I used to believe that those who forget their loved ones may have never loved them. Because it’s not possible to forget the person you love more than your life. But I was wrong. Time is a very powerful thing. The way it develops the feelings of love in you, the same way it teaches you to unlove the person. It fills your heart with other rewards. It is you who decides whether to move on or get stuck in that loop. Pray to the Almighty, Meditate, Care for your feelings, and think about your dreams. It took you time to love them properly, and it will take time to unlove them properly. Remember, it might take a prolonged period for you, but eventually, you will move on.

I know all my words might sound like only a motivational speech out of the blue, which is not practical for you. TRUST me, I also used to think the same and feel that maybe this is the end. I might never be able to overcome, but I DID. The amount of suffering I have endured is now replaced with multiple levels of peace. Remember, you are worthy of love, respect, and happiness, and you deserve to be treated with kindness and compassion.